Sometimes i get mad, irritated and feel like punching them in the face.
But mostly i get frustrated and sad. The feeling that I'm not welcome in the place i most want to be, the place i most love. It rips my heart apart. It feels like having your best friend telling you how much she hates you.
It's the mother that have fostered and made you who you are that suddenly don't want anything to do with you.
And at the same time I cant be mad or start crying like i feel like doing. Because i have to set an example, I have to be strong and show that we women aren't weak and bad players. I have to say things so they can understand and change instead of just defend themselves.
I'm sick of being strong. I'm sick of males saying that women cant play, that they suck and are only good for making them food. Not because they are, but because they are females.
And I'm SICK of other women going "Hoho, all other girls are such fakes i know how to behave like a real gamer, I'm not a REGULAR woman I'm a better male-version of woman" Guess what, they don't think you are any more worth, to them you are the same only that you accept that they are the boss and they are only permitting you to be there, for now.
..
I just wanna play. I just wanna spend my time doing what I love. I'm even better at it than most guys, so why do i have to hear "ofc you suck, you are a girl" when they figure it out? Why is suddenly the smallest mistake the end of the world? WHY do i have to hear from guys that I fed their lane when I'm 5/1 jungle and they are 1/6 top, for the only reason that I am a girl? And WHY do I "play good for a girl"?
Being hated for something like your gender, for something you can't change. It really hurts.
I just wanna play like the rest of you, is that too much to ask?
While I understand your point, I kind of the text far too dramatic. I've you've played enough online competitive games (from Call of Duty to DotA) you'll already know that it's not about gender, age or whatever, 90% of the gaming population is mostly childish and stupid when ingame, they tend to get mad and find any excuse to insult you over and over. From what I read you do play LoL... enough said, any Moba community is full of assholes, raging childish scum and such. Roughly 1 every 20 players is worth talking to, and that remains the same whether you're male or female.
SvaraRaderaMost people can't stand losing, their fault or not. Add this to the anonimity that the online gaming provides and you'll have everyone rampaging at their teams/adversaries in nearly every online game.
But I insist, I know what you're talking about, I know it happens sooner with women, more often and such.
Well "far too dramatic"? When i wrote this it was just after yet another one of these situations, I was really mad, but mostly i was so sad and frustrated that I started crying while i wrote. So yeah, i wrote EXACTLY what was in my heart that moment. If thats too dramatic it kinda shows how upset i am and how exposed females are in this community. I have had people raging at me without realizing I'm a girl and I have no problem with that, no matter if they are raging because they are playing bad or because i haven't played my best. Its when they figure out that I'm a girl that it becomes a problem because suddenly EVERYTHING is my fault, not because i played bad or because they did. But because I'm a girl. I have even been told it my fault that a guy died when he dived my lane-matchup and I weren't even close. Because "girls can only feed". My lane-matchup had one kill before that.
RaderaThere isn't even a reason in this situations, its pure hate for women.
Saying that "its the way the community is" doesn't even start to excuse it, actually it's the other way around, it makes it worse. And yeah it is a toxic community but as i said it's not the flaming that is the problem for me.
You might think this is dramatic, but this is how it makes me feel, and I know for a fact that other women feels like this too. I am AFRAID of people finding out that I'm a girl, and if they do my stomach feel like a stone, because so far almost everyone that have commented it have done so negative.
Can you try to imagine the feeling that you are never good enough, even if u are better than them, even if u are higher ranked and outplay them with ease. You're just a cunt and should suck their cocks.
Sure, not everyone is like that, but it's too many.
And it really fucking hurts.